The Truth About Communication Issues
It’s Not Just About Talking—It’s About Feeling Safe Enough to Be Real
“Communication is our biggest problem.”
That’s one of the most common things couples say in therapy.
And while it might seem like the issue is tone, timing, or poor word choice...
It’s almost never just about the words.
What’s usually underneath?
Fear. Shame. Mistrust.
A history of being misunderstood.
Or a longing to be close again—but not knowing how to say it without it all blowing up.
Let’s talk about what’s actually going on when communication breaks down.
It’s Not the Words—It’s the Nervous System
When we don’t feel emotionally safe in a relationship, communication goes out the window.
One of you might shut down.
The other might try harder to get a reaction—talk louder, explain more, ask again and again.
This isn’t because either of you are “bad communicators.”
It’s your nervous systems doing what they learned to do to survive.
But when these patterns clash, it can feel like you’re speaking two different languages.
You’re Not Arguing About Dishes—You’re Arguing About Belonging
In couples therapy, we zoom out.
We stop obsessing over the content of the argument (“you didn’t text me back,” “you never help with the baby”) and instead look at the cycle underneath it.
What’s really being said is something like:
“Do I matter to you?”
“Are we still on the same team?”
“Can I bring this up without you pulling away?”
Most communication issues are protection strategies in disguise.
They’re habits we use to keep ourselves from feeling hurt, abandoned, or unseen.
How Couples Therapy Helps Break the Cycle
My role in the room isn’t to referee a fight.
It’s to slow everything down.
We look at how you talk to each other, why you shut down or lash out, and what deeper need is hiding underneath.
Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), I help couples:
Spot their negative cycle (and name it as the real problem)
Build emotional safety to share honestly without spiraling
Learn how to really listen—not just to respond, but to understand
It’s Not About Perfect Communication—It’s About Safe Connection
You don’t have to speak perfectly.
You don’t have to memorize scripts or never get triggered.
You just need to start seeing the pattern for what it is—and working together to step out of it.
That’s where real connection begins.
If You’re Tired of Talking in Circles… I’m Here to Help
You don’t have to keep having the same conversation over and over.
Let’s work together to understand the cycle and create new ways of connecting—with honesty, safety, and care.
