What to Expect in Your First Couples Therapy Session
It’s not about blame—it’s about understanding each other better.
Starting therapy as a couple can bring up a lot of feelings.
Hope. Nerves. Doubt.
Maybe even a little panic about whether you’ll be “called out” or if your partner will do all the talking.
Let me pause you right there:
Couples therapy isn’t about choosing sides—it’s about creating safety so you both feel heard.
I’ve been doing this work for over 10 years, and I want to walk you through what that very first session with me actually looks like—so you can feel a little more grounded going in.
First Things First: You’re Not Broken
If you’re seeking support, it doesn’t mean your relationship is failing.
It just means something needs tending to. And you’re brave enough to say, "We can't keep doing this alone."
That’s already something worth acknowledging.
What the First Session Is Really For
The first session is all about slowing things down and getting clarity.
You’ll both have space to talk about what’s been hard, what keeps coming up, and what brought you to therapy now. I’ll be listening not just to the words—but to the patterns underneath.
What keeps the same fights happening?
How do you each cope when things get tense?
Where does emotional safety get lost?
No one is put on trial. This isn’t about who’s “right.”
It’s about understanding the dance you’re both in—and what it’s like for each of you inside that dance.
Expect to Talk… But Also Expect to Be Guided
Many couples fear, “What if we argue the whole session?”
I won’t let that happen.
I guide the process to help you both slow down, reflect, and hear each other in a new way—without slipping into defensiveness or shutting down.
There might be moments that feel tender or revealing. That’s okay. It means we’re getting somewhere real. And I’ll be right there with you, gently holding the space.
What I’m Looking For (Through the Lens of Attachment)
I use an attachment-based and EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) approach, which means I’m not just focused on surface behaviors—I’m paying attention to what’s driving them:
Unmet needs
Deep fears of rejection or disconnection
Protective habits you may not even realize you’ve built
In the first session, I’m helping identify the cycle you’re stuck in so we can begin the work of shifting it—together.
Common Reactions After the First Session
You might walk away feeling:
Relieved (“It felt good to say it out loud.”)
A little raw (“That was heavier than I expected.”)
Curious (“I never knew that’s how they felt.”)
Cautiously hopeful (“Maybe we can actually change this.”)
All of that is valid. Therapy isn’t magic—but it does work. And this is the first step.
Next Steps
If you decide to continue, we’ll move into deeper sessions where we look at:
Your shared cycle of conflict
Your individual attachment styles
How to start creating moments of emotional repair and reconnection
You’ll learn how to stop fighting each other and start fighting for the relationship—as a team.
